Anger

Anger...a word that I use everyday nowadays. Angry...a feeling that I feel everyday nowadays.
How I wish I could just flip the bird like the old lady above did. Something must have happen to this sweet old lady until she showed the finger. Funny isn't it? How things can be sooo irritating until the fury comes and take over. The whole body shaking, tips of the fingers tingling and then became numb. The anger starting to emerge and if you let it out, things can get ugly.
That is what I feel, past the feeling ugly..past the feeling irritated...past the feeling annoyed, past the feeling guilty...and past the feeling cranky. All these negativity seems like never going to end. The more I tried to throw away in the deepest hell, the more it came up and hovering around me. What a word, huh...

Small things can really release the beast in me at this moment. And I hate it. I hate that I feel this way to everyone. I hate that when I say sorry, no one thinks that I meant it. I hate the fact that when I need some support..all friends vanished..poof! gone... God damned the therapist who asks me to mingle among friends and be sociable..sociable my ass! No one care! What ever happens..happens..so be it. Couldn't care less! All i see is RED!

She said go out..have fun..exercise (the worst advise ever!) Fine! I went to Ali Campbell Concert with my husband and a good friend of mine...fun? yeah, why not reggae music, dancing ala Bob Marley...okay..I should feel good right? Feel a little bit of adrenaline..with the loud music...NOT AT ALL! My head was all mixed up. Angry with the company I worked for, how they never appreciate my work, and living in fear for not able to speak my mind coz everyone working for Emirates is living in fear. Fear of losing their job and became a snitch to the company..Pretentious bastards and bitches who became your colleagues and friends and then stab right in the middle of your back! Assholes passengers who think we are their maid and continuously disrespect us, but hey can we say anything about that? NO..why? Coz the company will always favor the customers. They'd say : "work or you leave...no one force you to be here, YOU choose to be here" Then...we're like...hmmm....what to do? Where to turn to? No one! coz why? Everybody has some level of problems..swallow it!

Depends on how much can you swallow..at one point its going to make you bloat. And one day it has to escape through which ever holes you have. Sometimes the more you tries to plug the hole it gets bulged somewhere else. When there's not enough plug to support the holes, it IS going to explode. It's just pure science. No doubt about it. How do you fix it then????