REMIND ME AGAIN

Hai...bila dah start tulis, macam macam nak tulis dalam satu hari..bila senyap tu senyap jer...itulah tabii kita kan...kali ni nak tulis untuk mengingatkan aku diri sendiri supaya di masa akan datang aku tak lupa akan hakiki ni.

Bila orang cakap pasai pa aku kawen ngan mat salleh...awat dah takdak jantan melayu dah kat dunia ni? Jawapannya adalah simple...orang melayu mana yang buleh terima my past? Being said 'my past' maknanya, sejarah keluarga aku.. kami tak kaya, mak pak hidup berasingan, arwah bapak tinggalkan mak atas sebab sebab yang aku tak boleh nak cakap kat sini...aku agak beruntung, pasal mak aku tak mampu nak bela, maklum la, orang susah...ada adik jantan baru lahir (aku dalam umur 2 tahun kot) so aku di hantar duduk dgn nenek. Neneklah mak aku, mak cik aku lah mak aku dan pakcik pakcik aku lah bapak aku. Aku tak kenai mak aku sampailah nenek aku passed away masa aku 8 tahun, lepas tu balik duduk dengan mak, hidup aku dari kecik memang macam nomad. Di hantar ke sana sini.

Orang melayu mana yang boleh terima keluarga aku yang susah ni? Mat salleh ni saja yang tak judge aku dari melihat keluarga aku. Dia terima aku seadanya, dia terima aku adalah aku, ada otak pemikiran sendiri dan bukan berdasarkan dari keluargaku. Tak ada siapa di dunia ni boleh memilih keluarga mereka. Kalau dari aku belum lahir, aku boleh cakap dengan Tuhan, aku nak keluarga yang macam ni macam tu, alangkah senangnya hidup. Tapi aku tak menyesal kerana dengan datangnya dari keluarga yang sebegitu, membuatkan aku tak mau berada di dalam situasi yang sama. Pasal tu lah Tuhan bagi kita otak untuk pikir dan belajar dari masa silam...bukan asyik nak menyalahkan orang lain di atas apa yang berlaku. Dan belajar dari kesilapan sendiri dan orang lain.

Sepanjang aku membesar ada mak aku peduli apa aku buat? Tak... yang dia tau cari duit nak bagi aku sekolah. Ada dia ajar aku simpan duit? Tak...pasal duit tak pernah ada untuk mak aku simpan. Hari hari berniaga laksa, duit untung ada sikit2, esoknya habis untuk beli bahan mentah untuk jual laksa pada petangnya. Tu lah, mak aku tak mampu nak pergi sekolah tinggi2...nenek aku orang susah...petani saja, tanam padi. Ada aku menyesal? Tidak sama sekali. Aku dapat tawaran masuk universiti, bila aku tunjuk surat kemasukan dan yuran yang akan di bayar pada hari pendaftaran saja, ini jawapan mak aku: " aku tak dak duit langsung nak bagi, tapi kalau kakak nak pi jugak, mak boleh pinjam kat Ah Long" Bila perkataan pinjam kat loan shark timbul, aku terus buat alasan ayah bekas tunang aku tak kasi masuk U, pasal nanti aku nak kawen and buat apa belajar tinggi tinggi... Itulah alasan yang aku bagi bila persoalan macam tu timbul. Walhal, aku tak mau mak aku pinjam kat loan shark nak hantar aku masuk U. So, dari situ aku start kerja..start pegang duit...then dah malas nak pergi belajar balik, pasal aku dah boleh beli ayang yang aku nak pasal selama ni aku tak pernah mampu nak memiliki satu apa pun. Bila dah pegang duit sendiri, aku jadi lupa...tenggelam dengan dunia kad kredit...maklumlah, tak pernah rasa kaya..tak ada sapa ajar yang jangan belanja lebih dari duit masuk...Ini satu penyesalan yang tak dapat aku patah balik untuk change it back. Tapi mat salleh aku inilah yang mengajar aku...Busuk busuk perangai dia, dia tetap tak pandang rendah pada aku dengan masalah pegang duit..

Nak tau cerita? Bekas tunang aku, melayu..ada ke patut dia tak mau terima promotion pasal nanti dia hilang jawatan sebagai pengerusi bank union dia..maknanya dia sanggup terima gaji kerani bank dari promoted to officer/supervisor, supaya dia boleh mengular waktu kerja dan ada union buleh back him up...manusia apa macam tu? Nasib baik aku tak kawen dengan dia. Dialah orang yang encourage aku untuk apply banyak banyak kredit card...pasal apa?? Pasal nanti aku boleh beli macam macam untuk dia. Gaji aku lebih tinggi so dia harap aku boleh tolong bayarkan duit kereta dia...yalah, nanti nak kawen..kongsi segalanya...why not start paying for his car now. Dia orang berada...walaupun family dia baik dengan aku, deep down i'm sure they would prefer orang lain yang berlatar belakang different..diorang orang kuat politik kawasan setempat..banyak pengaruh...takkan lah nak terima aku orang yang tak sepertimana ni. Bila aku sedar, ini bukan takdir aku...aku putuskan..mula mencari pasangan yang bukan melayu pasal seorang macam bekas tunang aku tu, dah cukup bagi aku.Aku langsung tak menyesal putuskan tunang dengan dia. Dah habis cerita....

Untuk kawan kawan aku yang tak pernah mengalami kesusahan...diorang mana tau...Diorang ingat diorang susah...tak ada kerja, mak pak asyik membebel tak buat kerja rumah, mak pak asyik talipon handset nak tau diorang ada kat mana...Aku cuma boleh harap dapat kasih sayang sebegitu...Walaupun pada sebilangan pendapat ingat ada mak pak yang kecoh itu adalah masalah...tapi diorang buat macamtu pasal diorang peduli... Maybe mak aku pun peduli, tapi penat sangat nak peduli kerenah aku, or maybe dia peduli, tapi tak tunjuk--itu adalah salah satu sikap atau silap orang melayu kita...ada perasaan tapi tak nak luahkan. Dengan harapan orang itu boleh membaca fikiran kita dan bertindak accordingly (maaf, aku dah lupa perkataan dalam bahasa aku sendiri ...sungguh memalukan...hihih)

Sebab itulah semua kesusahan yang aku alami ada pengajarannya. Aku lebih bahagia dengan mat salleh aku ini walaupun kadang kadang kami bergaduh jugak pasal berlainan pendapat atau latar belakang cara pembesaran dah keagamaan. Tapi aku amat bersyukur kerana dipertemukan dengan manusia ini kerana dialah banyak mengajar dan membuka mataku dari banyak hal.

Aku berharap dengan tulisan kali ini, dapat memanfaatkan masa depan aku sekiranya aku menjadi pelupa dan menyalahkan keluarga dan orang lain...ini adalah reminder untuk aku di masa akan datang.

JACK oh JACK

I know some people think this is not very cool..when I went browsing at one of the mall in US, I found this piece..and I said to myself : "Who knows if I ever going to find things like this anywhere else..now that I see one, why not grab it"

I know Kalle don't let me put it on him:-(

BEN & JERRY'S, come to mama!!

The flavour is exquisite! Berried Treasure, Jamaican Me Crazy, and many more! Now that I don't care about what I put in my tummy (not that I completely don't care, I do...but slightly not as much) muahahaha!
This thing really got me hooked, I prefer the sorbet kind and not the creamy ones. They are super fantastic! On its own, or a dollop on cakes or brownies, add some sprinkles or nuts or fresh berries...aaaahhh! yummmmm...

HAS IT REALLY BEEN...

...this long since I write?? Jeezzzz..how time flies :D I have been super busy playing tourist with my FIL. He came on Jan 15th for about a week. We went desert camping, offroading to the wadi (dried river bed), shopping and sightseeing. The highlight of his stay was taking him to the tallest building in the world, Burj Dubai or now known as Burj Khalifa (as H.H. Sheikh Khalifa Bin Zayed Al Nahyan, the President of the UAE). The building is over 828m. It is pretty impressive although I have NO FEELING towards this country's achievements, because it is NEVER going to be a place I can call home. I'm still an expat, and will always be an expat.

I was dead tired every day (with me like this) and getting up early in the morning for 'family breakfast' on our balcony was something me and Kalle hardly do (because he said its too cold or too hot to sit outside) and which I'd like to continue even after he went back. It's quite a nice feeling actually, although sometimes I rather be quiet in the morning especially when the mood says NOT IN THE TALKING MODE.

So overall it was very nice that we have visitor coming and we love playing tourist and to be honest I don't really know places until when people come over and we could experience the same..hehe

To my BFF, still waiting for your arrival in the sandpit, God knows how long we would be staying here... tick! tock! tick! tock! (eh...just like Madonna song..huhu)

YOU DON"T KNOW UNTIL....

you realize what you're missing when it's no longer in your reach...sounds familiar?? If I'm not mistaken, few weeks ago I was drop dead sure I will be dying out of boredom and how to stay at home all the time doing stuff I don't normally do..(cook and clean) and I was so used to leave my husband at home and went flying..(although it is work, but I enjoyed it coz then I don't have to worry about cleaning and doing the house chores..a reason not to be at home)

But now, the house is tidy most of the time (well...if I define tidy..maybe not THAT tidy, but itssokay for my standard hehe) And expecting him to come home every evening with a hug and a kiss and enjoy each other company..(something we don't normally get to do since we're together 7 years) I'm getting more and more attached and now that he's on business travel to Turin, Italy...I realized how much I've been missing all these years. Now I know how he felt every time I have to leave, although the flat would be much cleaner when he comes home compared to when I was away and came back to a pigsty (...then the nagging begins...coz I was tired...coming back from work to a messy flat, and all he can say was he had to work late ...EVERY DAY since I left???) I'm not much of a tidy up after people kinda person but I do like to come home and FEEL like home....I resented him for that for years. And I hate to kept telling him to do things...I guess he rather be treated like a child and being told all the time (he said he doesn't mind)...for now yeah..try me for the next 20 years..If this blog still exist by then, look up on this would be my only ticket out.

Funny how people deal with things in life...I'm learning everyday to understand this male species behaviour and how to deal with them. Books I read doesn't really help much as this species differs from one to another. Somewhat unique.

But I do miss him though when he's not around. Miss his mischievousness, and his childish behaviour. Miss the way he made me laugh at the oddest moment imaginable. Miss that he's quite clingy... for a starsign that is NOT supposed to be clingy, that kind of put me off and I need my own space sometimes. And his skepticism about ANYTHING online--internet banking, blogging that make money online, website promoting pyramid scheme, to him all these things are useless and scheming internet user (He is a Senior Network Security Specialist, he deals with these kind of crap everyday and see how people got scammed online etc)

The point is you don't know until it happens to you and realized you have been scammed. Like that website I joined..introduced by my high-school friend to join this money making online without leaving the house. All you need to do is promoting the website everywhere. The more people click on your pre-planned website, the more THOSE people making money, and I don't see a single dime from it..what's the point. And I had to buy that stupid juice..and guess what? IT NEVER DELIVERED TO ME!

Those people that believe they can make money without breaking a sweat and staying at home...it's bullshit! Yes it takes longer to be rich by working long hours and maybe a lot of hard work, but it's REAL.

New Beginning

A week has passed? How time flies, ehhh... Thought once I have no full time job, time will pass slowly...NOT!

On NYE we were invited to The Ljunggren's house for a cocktail party and countdown for 2010. We were greeted by a beautifully decorated house, white and purple balloons hanging on every corner..cosy lighting...canapes on the table..Billecart-Salmon Rose fully chilled, chardonnay and French red wine has been breathed, ready to be sipped. I was the dedicated driver that day so I pass on the drinks (besides I can't... until the next 8 months) *wink*.

The fresh fruits awaits us on the coffee table.strawberries and fresh cherries from Munich..*sigh* now I wish I'm still flying. That's how we live our lives...getting our consumables and what not from different destinations we flew off to...like fresh cherries from Munich, excellent and tasty breads from France, special bircher muesli from Germany, Cheese Fondue from Switzerland...Passion fruits and avocados from Nairobi, Bath and Body Works from USA, and A&F or course..not to forget...for me, shoes from Australia and USA (because they have size 11 which is hard to find anywhere else), Manuka Honey from New Zealand is the best thing I've discovered too..help digestion and overall health (all you need is one teaspoon a day add into warm water and lemon). Voila! Bye bye flu and cold and its natural sugars keep your energy level high.

But all those things are in the past now. New live is being created, it's time to adapt to new changes and prepare ourselves to handle the coming years.

Okay, now back to the NYE party..ghee..i offtrack quite far, haven't i? Their eldest son Ari (5 years old) is into this jewelery-making hobby. He's so talented. His mom, who is my friend is definitely the one to blame for introducing this hobby to him...since he liked it..what can I say..a hobby suited for a girl, though..but hey..it's 21st century. Gender doesn't determine anything anymore.















This talented child amazes me. Although his lil sister Ida (Ida Mahsuri Ljunggren) always cry when she sees me. Since 6 months old, whenever I popped by their house or they come over to mine, she just started crying and never let her mommy go. Do I have a pair of horns on my head or fangs that is scaring her?