Closing The Curtain For This Year

Today is the last day of 2009. Has it been memorable? Everybody write something to mark the end, I 'd also do my part. When the economy hits hard at the bottom earlier this year, I still enjoy my flying job, never look at the struggle people has all over the globe to make ends meet. I still have my clothes (perhaps few more new ones), I have food in the fridge (sometimes too much and has expired..gone to waste), I have a lovable and caring husband ( I still have) and I have my cat to muse me when I'm down. Have I ever grateful? Taking things for granted I was all.

Travel has always been my thing. I don't have much money in my bank account but that doesn't stop me from going places.Maybe that's one of the reasons I don't save..It all went to my travel. I went to Lapland for the first time, crossing 200 miles north from the Arctic Circle. That was something to ponder about. Learning about different cultures and understanding them is another. New places I went this year:

• Las Vegas (vacation; for my birthday)
  
• Maldives (surprise vacation for my husband)
• Lapland (vacation)
  
• San Francisco (on duty)
• Seoul (vacation)
• Ireland (tagging along my husband who has to work there for a week)
  
• Midwest (lone vacation)
  
• New York (vacation)
• Los Angeles (on duty)

Family wise --- This year is the first time my mother come to visit me since I left home seven years ago. She came with my sister and they had a good time. I also had a sisterly talk with my sister on our one day in Singapore where she and my brother-in-law came and join me on my stopover. We know deep inside we love each other but we never display the love between us, maybe because she is thirteen years older than I am, so I respected her much more than mere elder sister.

During three months unpaid leave, I was all happy happy joy joy.Then came the dark time of my life, I succumb into depression. I didn't believe that it's happening to me because I'm always the type who can smile and laugh about anything. Always think on the bright side and when suddenly crying and sleeping became my new best-friend..something has gone wrong. I tried talking about my feelings to friends..some took it negatively and backfire me..all I want was someone to understand what I went through and offer unconditional support. Some took it really seriously and one send me to see a psychologist. From that moment on..everything went downhill..

During these dark times I almost lost my marriage, from the thought that I fell in love with someone else..and that someone might not have the slightest feeling towards me..being a performer and all the fame he could get any woman he wants and when we talk..he just feels right in my heart, feels like I have found my long lost love. The fact that he's so wrong for me doesn't make it harder to believe that nothing will EVER happen between us. It clouds my judgement at the time. He's a Taurean which IS 'supposedly' my soulmate. Every now and then when I text him, he would text me back..but just a friendly text..short and simple. No read-in-between-the-lines.Maybe he's not afterall..


Until I decided to quit my job (my high-pay-anyone-can-do-all-you-need-is-smile-and-kiss-your-superior-asses-job). That was my turning point. Never have I imagine to handle a career problem this way. Nor that I believe I can't survive without those benefit (i.e. concession tickets)..which brings me to the next best thing that could happen to a woman (I guess) or married woman. As a Christmas present to us (my husband and I) we went to see a doc on Xmas eve and he confirmed us that I am 5 weeks pregnant. My husband was flippin' happy he couldn't stop smiling all the way from the hospital and continue the whole day after. I was shocked and anxious and don't know how to react to the news but at least I have a valid reason to stop doing what I do for living and focus on more important thing in life. ANOTHER HUMAN BEING that is growing inside me..(everytime I think about this it gives me shiver)...BUT hold on to your horses..I am NOT GOING TO ACCEPT any congratulation or well-wishes yet because I don't want to jinx it. Its still very early stage and there's a saying.."you shouldn't tell anyone until it 'pass' the first trimester" . And I am not going to be like those who clucking like a chicken just lay an egg and brag/whine all about my friggin' tummy. It's another journey I have to walk through...

Goodbye 2009..I'm closing this year's curtain with: "I thank You O God Almighty, and please forgive me for my sin and bless those people around me and help them find serenity, love and happiness, may they succeed in their venture for the year ahead and the next years after"

Peace for all!

What To Expect When You're......

NOT WORKING! haha! gotcha!

Well...starting the day with nice cuppa hot water with lemon and honey (to combat flu and keep the fat away) at around 8am (yeah! you got that right..8 am) tidy up the flat a little bit until i really feel hungry for breakfast. If I do, then make myself a bowl of cereal or two-eggs omelette with spinach or whatever greens I have in the fridge.

After breakfast, and see husband off to work (maybe a morning quickie..if in mood) then tidy up Jackster's poop box..and open up my new MacBook Pro for the latest news around the world... i.e. Facebook ..and commenting on the status friends posted on that day..to see what they are up to...this may take at least 2-3 hours communicating with people around the globe. And the last hour playing games on FB..coz I'm bloody addicted to those games...

Do a few stretch at the same time and maybe a lil bit of walking in the compound or worst still..on my balcony skipping...lol! (hardly...depends on the weather)..Off to the gym by 11-ish to do some light-playful-kinda-exercise (just so that I don't waste AED345 a month for membership)..for about an hour or so.

By then it's time for lunch..either I make a quick bite to eat or really put myself in the kitchen and enjoy every bits of the food and watching some TV series or movies (we do not have cable anymore...so whatever we got from the internet)..maybe play a game or two on Sony Playstation 3 (not everyday)

Then depends on who's on my instant messenger..I chatted with them almost half the day..heheh

When husband returns...depends on how hungry he is..sometimes he had late lunch..(meaning I don't have to make dinner..which happens most days of the week) we play or sometimes he plays and I watch..or watch any pending tv series we both into..(during the day I watch MY series that he doesn't really like)...Play with Jacky boy and teasing him and chasing him for a while..and normally by 10pm, he gets really sleepy and doze off on the couch. I normally crawl into bed a bit later like 12-1am after reading book. My day was over. I woke up the next morning energized and can take anything the world has to offer.

Healing

Wow..how time flies...weeks ago I feel like the whole world is against me..stumble upon decision-making that would change every aspect of my life. The anger has left...hoping it's for good.

Time heals..

Another phase I might be entering...motherhood?? wow! who knows....lmao! can't say anything now..it's tad too early for sure.

Food for thought:

• will my life be over once becoming parent
• will i be able to enjoy myself, traveling without having to think is it safe place, do i have enough money to survive for the vacation
  
• do i have to be responsible for another life-his/her wellbeing, education, medicals, if so...how do i manage? I don't think we are both prepared to carry that responsibility yet
• will i lose my beauty sleep? ( I love my sleep...I can be a total jerk if i don't get sleep)
• once i became a parent, i can't take it back..can i? not like work..if i dont like it i quit..THIS JOB? will be with me forever..or at least until they turns 18--then do whatever they deem right

One phase over..another phase turns up...Life is a series of phases....It's all up to us to make our way through it.

Foxtrot Oscar Charlie Kilo Yankee Oscar United

FYI...Kilo India Sierra Sierra Mike Yankee Alpha Sierra Sierra!!!

Fear and Loathing in Manager's Office

TODAY when I went to see my manager to discuss (telling me more like it) about what need to be done and who shall I see and submit to various steps of formality before leaving this Godforsaken shit-hole, I saw all these fake..pretentious...nice-in-front-of-me-but-the-hell-with-you-at-the-back or once they are out from the managers' office. It makes me sick looking at these sons and daughters of bitches' hypocrisy. I've been through THAT road before and it is very tiring. Grinning wide (in Malay saying: from one ear to the other) and saying 'Hi!! How are you?!..aww hon, you look great! did you lost weight?'... or...'Darling, you look amazing! what did you do? another visit to Dr. Plastic Surgeon?'...'How you doin' babe? ..hey you know so and so...he slept with so and so..and she found out! it turned out that so and so's wife knew...OMG!'....That were the normal opening phrase when one crew see another crew.

As I was just sitting quietly at one corner waiting to be called...everyone seems to know one another or at least slept-with once or twice...except me. I have been seven years with them and I know no one..NOT A SINGLE ONE. Yeah, some familiar faces one or two, maybe flown together once or twice but cannot make myself strike a conversation with them..because they don't have what I have. LOATHE.

Loathe at the fact that how can one be so pretentious as if everything is fine in the company? Nothing is fine! The company grew too fast too quickly and not anticipating what would happen without proper planning and so on. The moral of the employees goes wary sooner or later. Demotivated because before we used to know one another, say hi at the briefing facility (it was in a portable cabin, alright! Not the fancy office-look nowadays) but we were happy! Genuinely happy..we brushed shoulders from departure and arrival because it was in the same portable cabin, and we calling each other by name and we hugged people byes after a long flight, before jumping on the bus that take us home. Where are those time? It's all gone. Now we are all like robots: sign-in at the gate by minus 100minutes before STD (schedule time of departure, not the sex disease stuff) if you are late by one minute...BEEP! Not allowed to enter briefing room, please report yourself to Stand-By Lounge and marked absent for the flight. They would then be given another duty which normally stand-by or bye bye..go home! depends on the flight duty limitation (how the rest period worked out, depends on duties and flying time). Then since one person down, if they unable to call out another stand-by-ers from the lounge or home...the flight would still go on...with minimum number of crew of course.

During the flight, because of this one-minute-late-signing in, the other person has to work double the weight because passenger demands require certain number of crew, if we don't have enough crew, standard of service may be lower than customer expectation...or sometimes other cabin would come and help (its good if First Class go and help Coach, but if the other way around? It's gonna be a chaos..coz we trained cabin by cabin...junior will climb up to Business or First Class depends on their time with the company) Back to where we were....oh yes, when the service is bad or customer complain on why is he not getting his specific wine and why hasn't the glass changed...WHO TO BLAME?! the crew, because we don't do our job well...HELLO!!!

Just A Thought

I was browsing my husband's photo gallery and the thoughts of how many places we have been together these years makes me think...I have seen places not everyone have the opportunity to see..and perhaps many more to come. There's so much more in life that I yet to experience.But, would I regret leaving the ever so great (so you think) flying job to do what? Breed. Life must move on..right? Before you're single, then you met a guy, you date, then you marry, and then..having kids...the cycle of life. That's what we are here after all isn't it?

I am so damn comfortable in my skin flying here and there, have no concern and worries about others apart from my life (and husband..and cat of course..now that I am married and have a cat), buy whatever things I want, spend on whatever I feel like, go wherever I feel like going..When does it going to end? Never! It's as simple as we are only human, enough is never enough for us. That brings me to my second thought...

Maybe it is time to get out from my comfortable zone and continue the purpose of life. Just like Eleanor Roosevelt said "The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience" .

Hence, I am doing my notice month now although I wish to be leaving immediately, but my contract says 30-days written notice. I have nothing in hand to be proud of materialistically but all the experience I had with Emirates Airlines certainly I am taking them with me. I now doesn't have to fight with the scheduling for giving my as a senior in my grade a shitty roster, or have to write an explanation letter to my manager as to why was I absent the day before or why was I calling in sick two days in a row... I don't have to put on my smiling face even though I don't feel up for it that day but do it anyway because it is part of the uniform part of the job as a flight attendant. Not anymore it affects me that my colleagues keep on bitching on every single flight that their boyfriend cheated on them, how awful the passengers were, how certain race gets what they want and move up to the management level simply by joining local gym and befriended the people from the management..nor that I care if a passenger did not get his/her preferred meal on the flight and insist on getting him/her meals from business or first class as a recovery service, it's just a meal choice (if you don't like it, bring your own food), get a life! neither it hurt me in cases that certain 'nationality' flashes their British passport or US Green Card and demands to get different treatment than people from other passports...who cares what passport you are holding, you are my passenger, you ought to be treated equally...and the bitching continues...not to forget the passengers Emirates carrying LOVE..i repeat, LOVE asking for comment forms. For a silly reason like: its a 1 hour 15minutes flight and no tea/coffee been serve for the entire cabin because there's just simply NOT ENOUGH TIME! By the time the trays been collected (it's a full course hot meal, mind you--bar service followed by trays with bread/salad/main course/dessert or fruit) its time to secure the cabin because the seatbelt signs are on in preparing for landing..but before we sit down on our jumpseat, I saw comments form been given out..and when it get back to us..the reason was : NO TEA/COFFEE BEEN SERVE ON TODAY'S FLIGHT...are you serious?!

There's so much more to bitch about my experience. Maybe if you guys (reader) come back and drop by my blog..see if there's more to bitch about. (there's always more..believe me) Keep Discovering...

Truth or Just Coincidence?

	how you feel about yourself now (Justice) You are feeling that things will go your way, you believe in fairness and justice in all things. If you are considering partnership issues, personal or professional, dealings will go well. Perhaps you are about to sign a contract or legal document, this will be beneficial to you. If someone has done wrong to you it will be put right and you will feel justice has been done.
	what you most want at this moment (Wheel Of Fortune) The cards suggest su, that what you most want at this time is a turning point in your life and positive change - well expect it now. Life will go up a gear or two and events will accelerate forward. Destiny is at play here - have you noticed a number of events that seem rather a coincidence? This is synchronicity, trust it and go with the flow.
	your fears (The Chariot) The word failure isn’t in your vocabulary. You are worried things are more of a struggle than you expected, with more delays and frustrations. Things aren’t going to plan at all, just chill out, calm that mind of yours and you’ll find the strength to battle on until you succeed. This is a period of movement and change and conflicts ending in victory.
	what is going for you (The Tower) Sometimes sudden disruptive change is inevitable, and as painful as it may seem, we come through it a stronger and better person. No matter how disruptive things are at the moment, or if you feel life is really against you, re-evaluate and move on - often a new direction can bring new opportunities you never dreamed of. If you have been planning to move home you will be experiencing setbacks.
	what is going against you (The World) As always, fear holds us back and so often leads to missed opportunities. Do not give up or change direction this late in the game just because you have experienced delays - stick with it, have faith and trust the universe, and you will reach the successful conclusion you are wanting.
	outcome (Strength) Courage and self-belief is what you need to succeed. You may already feel overflowing with this, and if so there’s no doubt you will achieve what you want with your career, finances and love life. If you are feeling negative, look inward for that strength and courage, you know you are capable of having self-belief and you’ll reap great rewards.

It's raining men...

Hallelujah! It's raining men...Amen.. and the song goes on...

It's been raining here in the arid desert once a year for a few days and it is enough to make the whole place goes chaos. Those who always drive 120km/h still drives like a madman on the road that has poor drainage system creates a chaos when their car started hydro-planing and swerving uncontrollably and start the accidents. Roads throughout the city were jam-packed with cars that are slowing down because of these accidents and puddles on the road. Some were stuck for five and a half hours in the car going home from work. Not to mention at junctions people were honking one another to give way or to get out of their way or either plain angry because of the length of time they spent in the vehicle. I was driving without destination and came across these incidents (just for the fun of it, hey I miss the rains alright!). I saw at least two accidents along my 4 hours drive, one ambulance and two police cars in separate locations.

Flash floods due to lack of draining pipe on the road makes it worse. Few roads were closed and even basement parking of Mercato Mall on Jumeirah Road also shut down during this rainy days (3 days continuosly that is..LOL)

NOTE: It rains few days every year but the road still has a very poor drainage. Even the newly built roads...Have they not learned????

Rain started on last Friday all over the weekend (weekend here is Friday & Saturday). Cool rain, I love it! 17 degrees Celsius during the day and one or two degrees lower during the night, absolute moments I've been waiting for. Compensation for the hot summer months (from late April til end of October this year) does make the heat forgotten. Sipping my hot cocoa (made traditionally by heating low fat milk in a pot and add pure cocoa drinking powder until the lumps from the cocoa gone, and stir all the time until it thickens, add a marshmellow or two to add flavor)..absolutely delighted. Snuggling with my husband watching telly and my cat purring nearby, just the moment I need to make all seems better. There's always silver lining in dark clouds I hear people say..which is true.

Alamak!

Why laaa?? Want to transfer my residence visa from my company sponsorship to my husbands' put me in too much hassle. He told me that we need to get our marriage certificate (err....where did I keep it?) attested in UAE Embassy in KL and then bring it over here so the UAE government can attested that it has been attested by Embassy in KL that we are legally married (like bloody 2 years ago in Malaysia already!! duuuhhh!) And THEN only we can transfer the visa? haiyaaaa! Is there anymore complications I have to face at this time? FOXTROT OSCAR!

Ayoyo...

Today's entry I wanna talk rubbish..no need good English grammar..this is how we Malaysian use our English...haha, we called it Manglish. Sometimes people has no clue what we say are we talking in Malay or English..they can hear some English word, but the tonation is totally kancheong (in Malay means lintang pukang, in English means haywire)

Today my bestfren asking about plane tickets...before I dont care how much it cost..now that I'm about to throw away my flying job (dont ask why...had enough olredi) ayoyoooo cost so damn much la! mampos la if I want to go for holiday in the future. I'm putting my thinking cap on as for should I stay unhappy at work for the sake of tickets.. hmmmm wot to do..wot to do...

Lets make money!!!

check this out! Lets get rich together! tralalalalaaaa

I'm doin' it!

Against everyone, I'm going to get a motorcycle license here. If this is all it takes to make me happier in this sand pit...the hell with it!

First step: asking for a letter from my sponsor a.k.a my company (coz in this part of the world, the sponsor plays a prudent role in all expat community). Want to open a bank account, must get a no-objection letter..want to change job, former employer needs to issue a no-objection letter to the new employer saying so and so has worked in this company and they have no objection for this so and so to start at the new place. To learn how to drive also need a no-objection letter for him/her to drive in this country.--so that's CHECKED! (it will be ready in the next few days via internal mail..so I should check mailbox at the EGHQ soon)

Second step: getting 7 pieces of passport photo (What the heck are they going to do with 7 photos, don't ask!) --CHECKED!

Third step: Passport copy with residence visa page -- CHECKED!

Fourth step: This I was not quite sure, someone told me I have to ask permission from Road & Transport Authority to apply for a motorcycle license since I am a woman (WTF????) --NOT CHECKED and I need to find out tomorrow

Fifth Step: Cost about AED1500-1800 --CHECKED!


I've always wanted to own a motorbike. Now that my car has done financing..I may sell it and buy a bike instead. We do not need three cars in life of two household, do we? So, make sense if we have only two..one for me, one for him..and a bike for me! to fulfill my passion. All I heard was don't ride in this country, it's dangerous..if you want a free death certificate, go for it then! And others was just agree to that statement. If you going to die, you'd die..regardless where and when or on what. If that's my destiny, so be it. It's been written...I JUST ACCEPT it. *wink*

So, this is my next challenge/project dealing with my mid-life (I know..mid-life at thirty...huhhh) crisis..lmfao!

So people, talk to me...shall I go for it? Shall I pursue my dreams of destruction? Or shall I just be the average thirty year old married woman with average job and average life?

Can't Help It But...

...feeling a little down today compared to yesterday. Today I had to underwent another blood test from the company clinic because they said my glucose level is borderline high than normal. I have diabetic family starting from my mom, to her siblings and few cases on my late father's side too. Chances of me developing one is quite serious too although I don't take sugar in my drinks, I don't like sweet stuff like cakes or chocolate or ice-cream. I eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables..but nevertheless, it's there in the family. I'm prone to have some sort f hereditary disease whether I like it or not. (I can't choose my family, can I?)

Someone said to me the other day..I need to be accepting. Accepting the inevitable written by some Divine power and it is not in my hand to say otherwise. During a camping trip the other day, I met this couple..earning probably twice less than me and some of their friends lost their job during this economy crisis and didn't fail to mention that I should be thankful to still have a job and retain it for as long as I want to. Not worrying about how many kids I have to feed back in the home country, how to pay the bills every month when things are getting expensive here in this city. I accept.

Next Step is...

figuring out what I want to do with my life that I am feeling a little bit better and happier than a couple of weeks ago. Told myself that feeling would go away and here I am..being myself..working on my issues bit by bit and until I can decide and wishing whatever the decision I made would be final. Friends told me that I am indecisive, so I would like to prove them wrong this time.

The key here is avoid being alone and share what you feel with others. The longer you keep things to yourself, the more heavy it gets in the chest. Be it just a matter of how you want garbage bin should be lined whenever your partner took the trash out to more serious matter in a relationship. It is very important to also keep telling yourself, that no one is perfect and that he is just perfect for you. And if you think you are good, someone else is better than you, mark my word! It doesn't mean that you shouldn't look for every single criteria/standard that you want just bear in mind that we are not perfect either. If you let this be your principle, I'm sure we are all going to achieve what we are searching for. As someone said "be the butter to my bread and breath to my life" compliment each other... not you, you, you, me, me,me...

Renewal

First of December 2009...the marking of new season-Winter in the northern hemisphere, Summer in the southern hemisphere..the change of wind perhaps could bring new horizon to explore. Hopefully the last autumn leaf had fallen to the ground and be buried in the soil making it fertile for the trees to produce new leaves for the next spring.

This day I marked for myself to renew all sorts of darkness and pain I felt, and new leaf would means new chapter to strive upwards to the next challenge life has to offer. If I could bypass this phase, there's nothing in this world I couldn't conquer.

Patience is a virtue they say...there's some truth in it. Let the nature take its course, might as well be true. So here I am, letting the nature seep in.