Moving on...??????

It's time! Really??! I'm stunned by it...really? Is my life here in the sand pit almost over? Hard to believe but isn't that what I want? To leave this Godforsaken shit hole, leave these uncivilized people, arrogant sons of bitches and materialism? Isn't this the time I've been waiting for? Isn't this the prayer I always asked from Him above? Could it mean that my prayers has been answered? Could my mothers' prayers has been answered too? This feeling I have is a mixture between happy and anxious. Happy to leave from here finally and yet anxious on moving back to Malaysia. After all the reason I left was not to go back there. Why? I AM Malaysian, I can always go back whenever I want...I want to see and live in other places first. (Haven't I had enough travel and see places?) --->It is never enough.

But what if I'm not happy back home? What if all my relatives won't leave me alone? What if my mother would not stop nagging about how to live my life? What if I becoming Santa Claus? (Help other people more than I should)..Would they understand that I am NO Santa Claus, we are not wealthy, we are comfortable here but far from wealthy. What if my brother would always asking me for help? What if when I don't help people, we'd be the target of gossips and bad words? What if my husband found beautiful younger girls who would throw themselves at him anytime? In Malaysia, that is possible. Girls looking for financial stability/foreigner would do things no one can imagine. Would I be okay with that? NO!!! And black magic...that can ruin everything. I've seen it happen in my extended family, her marriage collapsed when another woman decided to take her husband for money. It's not uncommon back there. And people believe in it... : "hmm...look at that, he follows what ever she wants, she's using black magic"...that's the problem. Bad mouthing other people..I hated it so much! Thats the culture : who have more money, who have nice car, who have expensive clothes, i'm over that! I couldn't care less..but would the society leave me at that?! I don't think so.

Here in this shitty place, I don't have to worry about these things...Yes people do steal other people's man but to what extend? Not that far, believe me.

Would I sacrifice the peace of living anonymously in this society to a much harder society back home? That's something I have to think about.