Closing The Curtain For This Year

Today is the last day of 2009. Has it been memorable? Everybody write something to mark the end, I 'd also do my part. When the economy hits hard at the bottom earlier this year, I still enjoy my flying job, never look at the struggle people has all over the globe to make ends meet. I still have my clothes (perhaps few more new ones), I have food in the fridge (sometimes too much and has expired..gone to waste), I have a lovable and caring husband ( I still have) and I have my cat to muse me when I'm down. Have I ever grateful? Taking things for granted I was all.

Travel has always been my thing. I don't have much money in my bank account but that doesn't stop me from going places.Maybe that's one of the reasons I don't save..It all went to my travel. I went to Lapland for the first time, crossing 200 miles north from the Arctic Circle. That was something to ponder about. Learning about different cultures and understanding them is another. New places I went this year:

• Las Vegas (vacation; for my birthday)
  
• Maldives (surprise vacation for my husband)
• Lapland (vacation)
  
• San Francisco (on duty)
• Seoul (vacation)
• Ireland (tagging along my husband who has to work there for a week)
  
• Midwest (lone vacation)
  
• New York (vacation)
• Los Angeles (on duty)

Family wise --- This year is the first time my mother come to visit me since I left home seven years ago. She came with my sister and they had a good time. I also had a sisterly talk with my sister on our one day in Singapore where she and my brother-in-law came and join me on my stopover. We know deep inside we love each other but we never display the love between us, maybe because she is thirteen years older than I am, so I respected her much more than mere elder sister.

During three months unpaid leave, I was all happy happy joy joy.Then came the dark time of my life, I succumb into depression. I didn't believe that it's happening to me because I'm always the type who can smile and laugh about anything. Always think on the bright side and when suddenly crying and sleeping became my new best-friend..something has gone wrong. I tried talking about my feelings to friends..some took it negatively and backfire me..all I want was someone to understand what I went through and offer unconditional support. Some took it really seriously and one send me to see a psychologist. From that moment on..everything went downhill..

During these dark times I almost lost my marriage, from the thought that I fell in love with someone else..and that someone might not have the slightest feeling towards me..being a performer and all the fame he could get any woman he wants and when we talk..he just feels right in my heart, feels like I have found my long lost love. The fact that he's so wrong for me doesn't make it harder to believe that nothing will EVER happen between us. It clouds my judgement at the time. He's a Taurean which IS 'supposedly' my soulmate. Every now and then when I text him, he would text me back..but just a friendly text..short and simple. No read-in-between-the-lines.Maybe he's not afterall..


Until I decided to quit my job (my high-pay-anyone-can-do-all-you-need-is-smile-and-kiss-your-superior-asses-job). That was my turning point. Never have I imagine to handle a career problem this way. Nor that I believe I can't survive without those benefit (i.e. concession tickets)..which brings me to the next best thing that could happen to a woman (I guess) or married woman. As a Christmas present to us (my husband and I) we went to see a doc on Xmas eve and he confirmed us that I am 5 weeks pregnant. My husband was flippin' happy he couldn't stop smiling all the way from the hospital and continue the whole day after. I was shocked and anxious and don't know how to react to the news but at least I have a valid reason to stop doing what I do for living and focus on more important thing in life. ANOTHER HUMAN BEING that is growing inside me..(everytime I think about this it gives me shiver)...BUT hold on to your horses..I am NOT GOING TO ACCEPT any congratulation or well-wishes yet because I don't want to jinx it. Its still very early stage and there's a saying.."you shouldn't tell anyone until it 'pass' the first trimester" . And I am not going to be like those who clucking like a chicken just lay an egg and brag/whine all about my friggin' tummy. It's another journey I have to walk through...

Goodbye 2009..I'm closing this year's curtain with: "I thank You O God Almighty, and please forgive me for my sin and bless those people around me and help them find serenity, love and happiness, may they succeed in their venture for the year ahead and the next years after"

Peace for all!